we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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