I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize