I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
