Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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