Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
