my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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