I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
