My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
