dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
