I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize