Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we're so committed to being not committed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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