You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
