How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
