P.S. I can't hear my feet
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
