I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
