i just had sex bonerless
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
