Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she told me i tasted like america
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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