She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
