All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
