I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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