So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
