I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
