Where is the hickey?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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