her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
