Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
