make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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