i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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