my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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