I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
