I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
