We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
