just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
