Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
