No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
