How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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