shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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