does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize