Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
