You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
