shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
