i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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