Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
