I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
