we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
