How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sext me about skeletons
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
