Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
