the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
