is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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