Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
