I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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