Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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