Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
