I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize