omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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