dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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