So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
