I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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