dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
