used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
