I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
