he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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