the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
