I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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