So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize