It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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