I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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