I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
