My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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