But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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